( k i s s ) .

i’ve got no words,
but if you were here,
i’d be kissing you right now.

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write.

i could write
about you,
but it wouldn’t
be true.

all i have
is moments of clarity,
moments of pure bliss.
cliche upon cliche.

i don’t remember
a time,
when this part
of my heart
felt so damn calm.

how to write
about you,
when there’s no horror
or pain.
no worry or fear.

how to write
about you,
when you offer
nothing but reassurance
and peace.

how to write
about you,
when i’m occupied
by the thought of you
in every moment.

i wake up
smiling.


listen.

i’m too
scared
to live
here
anymore.

the weeds
seem
to grow
faster
than before.

i’m too
weak
to live
here
anymore.

the sun
seems
brighter,
and it leaves
me raw.

i’m too
[me].
they assume;
they lie;
no-one will
listen.

so i stopped
speaking.
and i stopped
eating.
and i stopped
waiting.


moments between.

missing you
in the moments
between;
because for
every spare minute,
why wouldn’t i
spend it with you?

i wish i was yours.


insomnia + depression.

hardly surprising;
the cliche couple
are such a complementary
match:
the weary inabilty
to sleep, and
the debilitating inability
to care.


manic incompetence.

i don’t remember
the last time.
my fresh energy
– pure and uninhibited –
i’ve forgotten what
it feels like.

instead, luke warm
at best
and otherwise
cold, dark and sticky.

my hands never dry
and yet my nail beds
are rough
and crumbling.

i am so tired
yet full of adrenalin
relentless trembling
plagues my knuckles
like an arthritic matriarch.

the mania comes
but in an anxious
and with reactionary
tention.

no patience,
no concentration,
all fear and no memories.

a quivering
ball of pathetic
incompetence.


[am].

i am alone,
i am apart,
i am numb
and cold
and bored.


cut time.

time
relentlessly
cuts me:
stop.
back.
end.

play it
again
or make it
stop.

do it
over
or turn
it back.

keep me up;
up
or make it
end.

i want
for one thing
only:
stop time
for us,
take us back,
or make it
end.


it’s okay.

it’s okay,
(but kind of pathetic);
did you really think
i spent my days
pining and swooning?

you chased,
i sat pretty.
i asked,
and you lied.
i was fearless
and you ran.

it’s okay,
(but kind of pathetic);
did you really think
the pain you caused
meant more than a fading scar?

you chased,
i sat pretty.
i asked,
and you lied.
i was fearless
and you ran.


reality.

but when
the one you miss
the most,
is the last
person
you should miss
at all;

it is difficult
not to believe,
that every moment
was intentional
deception;
and a humiliating
farce.

the reality is,
they stopped
needing you,
before you stopped
needing them.