Monthly Archives: October 2011

lunch time on the esplanade. with you.

can I meet you on the esplanade?
I’ll wait for you

I am warm but,
the sharp, hard, brittle wind
rips me apart

and the ocean looms.
swallowed up by the fresh scent of violently salted water

I just miss you now.
but memories are my comfort.
and the longing ceased several eons ago.

who knew much love?

your face still greets me when I am in a lonely crowd
I turn away

I wonder if your lookalike notices the horror and desperation in my intense gaze?
my hope and shameful disappointment?

I wonder if he know he made my day?
and broke it.

now of all times?
twelve months of your continuous force
hard, unrelenting, challenges.
you inspire me.

a wave roars: I am terrified.
a slight panic, manifested in my quickening heart rate despite the comfort of my airtight hatchback.

I am clean.

peeling the layers of polish residue from my tiny, raw nail beds.

is it because of your name?
that’s why we are here.
why did I ask about the ‘h’?
were you convinced?

eternal love pledged and overwhelming.
it has not allowed me to avoid many great loves.

I am glad it is over.
lessons learnt.
realities in full, dentist light.

you would like his smile.

I do not know if I wish you to call me yours.
but better yours than the phrases of abuse.

kind, unflinching affection.

my skin feels golden and silken.
(like tofu?)
hands that feel I am enough.
surprised, enchanted by the natural ease of touch.
no knowledge of me. second nature.
do I dare believe?

rest now.
I’ll hold you.



I dance.
one hour of joy etched into their faces.

I am addicted to the energy.

feet move you.
her body amuses you.
I pause for laughter, like a comedian on the threshold of a punch line.
delivered. if you say it fast they’ll just assume you were funny.

hands direct you.
my giggles erupt.

I can be your rockstar
if you will be my groupies.

listen to the rain.
dance like a spy.



snow peas

grated cheese.


balloons? card?

fresh breath spray

  • car adapter for ipod.


treat yoghurt?


The Missings.

It is The Missings.
My father liked to tell me this was because
he only saw us every second weekend.

My brother liked to tell me I was
Pathetic.  Until every second weekend became
every second Christmas and he cried.

The Missings have been my silent goodbye
My stolen glances
until now, reciprocated.

Chest is locked up. I’m feverish.
I swallow the vomit to hide
feeling too much for someone. You should be ashamed.

And that’s The Missings.

Family don’t understand.
Friends let it go.
Lovers think it is endearing.

Panic doesn’t give a shit.
And there are no second chances.

her: defining.

She stole my kiss.
Begged me to love her.
Accused me.
Ran from me.

did she notice?

I only wanted to love her.

And she empowered me.

I was never good enough.
Never able to express myself like her.

She defines it as love.