lunch time on the esplanade. with you.

can I meet you on the esplanade?
I’ll wait for you

I am warm but,
the sharp, hard, brittle wind
rips me apart

and the ocean looms.
swallowed up by the fresh scent of violently salted water

I just miss you now.
but memories are my comfort.
and the longing ceased several eons ago.

who knew much love?

your face still greets me when I am in a lonely crowd
I turn away
ashamed.

I wonder if your lookalike notices the horror and desperation in my intense gaze?
my hope and shameful disappointment?

I wonder if he know he made my day?
and broke it.

now of all times?
twelve months of your continuous force
hard, unrelenting, challenges.
you inspire me.

a wave roars: I am terrified.
a slight panic, manifested in my quickening heart rate despite the comfort of my airtight hatchback.

safe.
warm.
I am clean.

distracted.
peeling the layers of polish residue from my tiny, raw nail beds.

is it because of your name?
that’s why we are here.
why did I ask about the ‘h’?
were you convinced?

eternal love pledged and overwhelming.
it has not allowed me to avoid many great loves.

I am glad it is over.
lessons learnt.
realities in full, dentist light.

you would like his smile.

I do not know if I wish you to call me yours.
but better yours than the phrases of abuse.

kind, unflinching affection.

my skin feels golden and silken.
(like tofu?)
hands that feel I am enough.
surprised, enchanted by the natural ease of touch.
no knowledge of me. second nature.
do I dare believe?

rest now.
I’ll hold you.

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