Monthly Archives: December 2011

kiss.

I read somewhere that hatred is not the opposite of love

That indifference is the true contrast.

Is it always possible to reach that level of feeling?

Do you want to?

Move. Push. Free.  Kiss.

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cliché.

a classic case of daddy issues.

predisposition to depression and anxiety.

highly strung, over-achiever;

seeking perfection in order to reach the impermeable satisfaction.

I am a cliché.


mind-fucked.

busting my gut to forget our night.

walking in vivid images of our desires and fantasy world.

breaking my own heart to stop loving you.

force-feeding myself endless streams of gossip to erase your image.

your scent will not leave my sheets. I dare not wash them in the fear it would widen the gap

between us.

your body so close. your breath fresh and open and warm and hungry.

the intense connection, instant attraction, awesome comfort. your gaze.

I miss you.

Less than 24 hours: sipping, bumping, flirting, dancing, walking, holding, nourishing, laughing, gazing, kissing, waking.

kissing.

you mind-fucked me in a day.


all the time.

 

I am scared of how much I like you.

I am scared of how much I don’t like myself.

I am scared of losing you.

I am scared of hurting you.

I am scared of your rejection.

I am scared you will see my imperfection; that you already know it.

I am scared to disappoint you.

I am scared my body is not what you had hoped.

I am scared that I bore you.

I am scared to sleep.

I am scared that my company is only wanted when you are bored.

I am scared you will never love me.

I am scared you will never let me love you.

I am scared I am too stupid.

I am scared you think I’m stupid.

I am scared you are shamed of me.

I am scared you think I would hate your car.

I am scared you think I always need 5 star.

I am scared the sex is not enough.

I am scared sex is all you want.

I am scared you will never trust me.

I am scared you don’t want me in your life.

I am scared you don’t want me.


we know this.

i gave you my song.
he sent me his photo.

and erased it.

the meaning remains.

i’ll always interpret differently to how you’d like.

innocent transfers.
a tidal wave.

more time spent dreaming of you than i ever spent with you.
the usual.

no response.
can’t find words that don’t deride its existence.

we will be.

it is done.
we live.

that is all.

you are loved.
always.

we know this.

i will be afraid.
always.

we know this.

but loved.
always.