Monthly Archives: March 2012

when you’re gone. still.

thinking of you
I fall back to 18 years old.
naive.
scared.
reckless.
lost.
it’s like adolescence is not a phase for me.
it’s my personality.
I’m tired.

15 houses. 9 years.
Since you.
each time the boxes come out.
each time I sort through
my life.
and I find the photos.
your letters.
our presents.
your words.
your smile.
your dancing.
your love.
your eulogy.

you break my heart
again.
and
I’d take myself
for you to be back.

remember when you sang to me?

remember that kiss?

you would hate him.
you wouldn’t let me make these mistakes.
I am a fool.
and I don’t suffer fools.

15 houses. 9 years.
can I bear the 10th?

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on the dancefloor.

you were a surprise.
my
dancefloor.

instantly at home with you
instantly
fallen.

and it felt like I stole you.
captured.
mine?

on my dancefloor, I was warm, natural
comfort
zone.

you were so easy, so free.
no
inhibitions.

you called me a diamond.
angel.
perfect.

just. four flawless nights.
two
days.

you are always running.
always
late.

last time.
one
night.

we can not call it friends, so
I
go.

I felt nothing but you.
isolated.
cocoon.

My favourite moment with
you
always.


at the beach.

secure behind our wall.
protected.
warm.

as you ventured, I
stayed.
behind.

I would be waiting.
Clean.
Happy.

I couldn’t join you on
your
adventure.

You forced it, but you didn’t
want
me.

I felt nothing but you.
isolated.
cocoon.

My favourite moment with
you
always.


lying on the lawn.

warm, humid, backyard.
tentative.
terrified.

whispering gentle apologies.
misunderstanding.
caring.

do we want this?
hope.
love.

it will be difficult, hard.
support.
commitment.

you make me laugh.
kiss.
hold.

he made love to her.
gentle.
caress.

I felt nothing but you.
isolated.
cocoon.

my favourite moment.
with
you.


team building.

standing on a stage.
surrounded.
production.

playing the game.
pretending.
complying.

I hid from your gaze.
pacing.
shy.

the game played us.
stop.
see.

our hands link.
warm.
strong.

I look up.
smile.
connect.

I felt nothing but you.
isolated.
cocoon.

my favourite moment with
you.
always.

the moment I’ll return to
remembering
you.

why not the moments you
broke
me.

everyone saw us.
team
building.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhQ5seprs6s


magical.

like the movies.
but better.

easy. smooth. natural.
like you.

I remember
all the words, your face, your smile, your nerves

your touch
but better.

and now
did I dream it?

for the first time
I feel used.

“like a cat tied to stick
driven into frozen winter shit.”

you felt magical.

“you know me,
I love to lose my mind.”


the final.

It is alone.
It is dying.
Feed it? Starve it?

It is falling.
It is empty.
Hold it? Fill it?

It is broken.
It is pitted.
Fix it? Glue it?

It is beyond.
It is at peace.

Let it go.