Monthly Archives: September 2012


I pick at the wound.
I squeeze it.
Mock it.

I feel the tear.
Let me see the scar.



You remember.
My heart is permanently inked.



I am described thusly:

bubbly, funny, silly, energetic, creative, intelligent, happy.
bouncy is a new one.

they sound like nice words.
but I wouldn’t know.

and anyone who finds out
is disappointed beyond words.

it’s definitely not worth showing you,
I never fit into the box you make for me.

you can’t contain me.
and you’ll never hold all my words.

always. repeat.
I am too much.




you’re making me tired.
with this perfect love.

it’s not perfect.
I’m not perfect.

you’re making me tired.
but you won’t let me sleep.

let me rest.
let me fall.

you’re making me tired.
and it’s getting too hard.

show me simple.
leave me behind.

you’re making me tired.
for what?


I don’t need.
To feel you.
To know.

It is us.
It will be.

“I’ve never felt like this before”

You won’t again.
This is the rest.
This is not the fall.

This is the us.

must I choose?

must I choose now?
a decision I thought I had already made.
why do I now feel it is the wrong one?

I don’t want to be too late.
I don’t want to lose you.
Or force you.
Or resent you.

do I ever want?
do I never want?

I think I know.
But then I falter.

Am I missing out?
Everyone’s doing it.
They know.

Will I choose to miss out?
It makes my chest ache.
You make my heart ache.
And he follows.

I look at them
and wonder.

Then I look and know
that is not what I want to become.
Then I look and wonder
if I could become.

I find it hard enough to be me.

Can’t I just ignore it?
But who will love me?
I know.
I will miss out.

I guess that is okay.

and you.

you protected me.
taught me.
held me.
laughed with me.
and then.

abandoned us.
and then.

you found me.
I forgave you.
we learnt.
we loved.
we laughed.
and then.

you abandoned us.
and then.

you found me. I’ve protected myself.
I don’t want to learn from you.
I want to forget.

and then.
I found someone else.
to protect me.
hold me.
laugh with me.
and hurt me.

I will abandon you.
and have the last laugh.