must I choose?

must I choose now?
a decision I thought I had already made.
why do I now feel it is the wrong one?

I don’t want to be too late.
I don’t want to lose you.
Or force you.
Or resent you.

do I ever want?
do I never want?

I think I know.
But then I falter.

Am I missing out?
Everyone’s doing it.
They know.

Will I choose to miss out?
It makes my chest ache.
You make my heart ache.
And he follows.

I look at them
and wonder.

Then I look and know
that is not what I want to become.
Then I look and wonder
if I could become.

I find it hard enough to be me.

Can’t I just ignore it?
But who will love me?
I know.
I will miss out.

I guess that is okay.

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