Monthly Archives: November 2012


falling under this will
can I sink?
can I break?
will you finally let me go?

what of that ripple?
I feel terror.
I feel poised for annihilation. obliteration.
vulnerable, but accepting.

what of that hand?
tender, soft, ever caressing, hand.
but to trust?
I have nothing left.

I want to feel the softness
to try again?
to attempt and fail again?
not again. this time.


my burn cave.

awake at
in the cool, dark
of endless hallways and mystery
the noises; my creative

to entertain, to pass the time, too
what could possibly be so
at 12am on a
fateful tuesday, in my cocoon I stay. I hide
I smile.

my head. full of creation, full of
imagining what emptiness, what
buzzing, running, tripping over the confusion.
my head. full of don’t, won’t, must try
stumbling, faltering. don’t, don’t, don’t ride the


it’s cold.
the AC is a breeze, not fresh, not relaxing but
I imagine surfing. I’ve never surfed.
I feel goosebumps, I smell salt and sand, I smell
is it a beast? does it long to taste? no

my eyes are failing; 10-tonne lids, don’t
the cave engulfs me: like a moat to protect. like a cage of neglect.

don’t. don’t. don’t. don’t.
won’t. won’t. won’t.

I urge my body to rest. bend to the will.
find ashen, stony, lost ecstasy. again.

embrace the burn.
purge. and burn.

staring at your back.

she turns around
i know it’s over.

want to reach out,
want to feel.

but she’s helpless,
it is done; it won’t be forgotten.

suck me up
into the twister tunnel;

let me feel every hair on my head,
whip the side of my face.

don’t turn around again –
you know it’s over.

don’t crawl back,
it is done; it won’t be forgotten.

follow the dark path,
raised arms, facing the sky.

breathe in the torture,
embrace me. envelop me.

i walk slowly.  eyes closed
to the external.

it does not hide
the darkness erodes, engulfs.

she’s staring at his back.
he walked away.

i continue my love affair
with addictive pain, head below.

you’re staring at my back.
but you’re the one who turned around.


I was living in a dream land.
I was cooked high on ecstasy.

but my teeth were grinding.
stomach emptied. again. again.

take me there forever.
take me over and over. again. again.

but your eyes are empty.
the last time. sink down. again. again.

I was living your nightmare.
and reality hit like your blank stare rips me apart.


I feel you melt into me
like warm, smooth caramel
like the sweet smell of hot milk and honey.

and I let myself embrace your heat,
cherish your deep touch,
fall into your eyes.

to get lost in this world is
too easy
too dangerous.

and we know it.
but you’re with me.
and I’ve got you.

not so lost with you
to share it – we dive into the dark pool,
hands clasped.

it lasts a long time
and beyond any mention of unknown boundaries
you remain. cherished.


someone, somewhere, is being attacked
I find my voice is strangled,
my heart is slowly dying.

I want to fight back,
but the memory stops me
and I know your strength.

isn’t that the reason you work so hard?
to make up for such a small depth of character,
to make sure everyone knew they should fear you.

your strength and hardness protected me from others.
I didn’t know I needed to protect myself from you.
I’m still in shock.

“…as always, it is all about you”
it was never about me
I didn’t have a chance.

this is the cycle, this is the anger.
and alcohol can’t hide you any longer.
stop playing the fool.

someone, somewhere is being attacked.
I see the tears from your force.
and I make a promise: never again can I be broken like this.