heavy ash

i don’t know
how
to
let go

the heavy
deep,
warm
crushing weight

i feel paralysed.
it is above my head
i can balance
but i can’t let go.

is that sweat
or are you
crying
AGAIN?

when does it
end?
when is it
over?

let go.
i don’t want
a spotter.
with fake strength.

i don’t know
how
to
move.

forward, backward, sideways
i await instruction
like a cripple
in rehab.

like an ever-expanding
ash cloud.
occupy my lungs
ribs are black and charred.

what?
what happened
to its heart?
what?

the ash
was
just
so heavy.

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