constant.

the illness in my stomach;
the twisting turmoil,
[pain] and resistance.
just distract me.
force it out
or bury it.
just distract me.

her cuticles are torn to shreds,
the blood is release
and torture all at once.
tears.
sweat.
constant.
focus. focus. “focus on your breath.”

no-one listens to me.
why can’t you just DISTRACT me?
patronising, condescending;
i focus;
focussed, i watch the twisting, ripping;
waiting for the day
i have the strength to break the bone.

breathe. breathe. breathe.
i can’t breathe!
i’m pulling myself under.
don’t let me float.
i’m heavy and damp and awkward.
recurring dream, childlike wishes
dulled with screaming sedative.

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