[divide].

there’s a monster growing in our heads
raised up on the wicked things we’ve said
a great divide between us now
something we should know 

there’s something to remember
and something to forget
as long as we remember
there’s something to regret 

something we should know
there’s a mountain higher than we knew
it’s high but such a bitter view
a great divide between us now 

something we should know
a great divide between us now
on different sides of a great divide

– “the great divide,” the cardigans.

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“l o s t.”

i’ll be damned if i do it, damned if i don’t
i’ll be lost if i love him, lost if i won’t
and i can’t muster up the courage to say it’s best that i leave
i can’t muster up much of anything when i’m feeling you breathe

my human heart won’t mend itself
when my own two hands are ripping out the seams
oh, it seems i’m my own worst enemy, oh
i’m doing it to myself

i’ll be hurt if i leave him, but turn cold if I don’t
he’s the sweet of a morning kiss, but there’s a poison it holds
sticking thorns into my spine but i won’t let go
sticking thorns into my sight, but i’ll keep my eyes closed

my human heart won’t mend itself
when my own two hands are ripping out the seams
oh, it seems i’m my own worst enemy, oh
i’m doing it to myself, oh

i’m doing it, i’m doing it, i’m doing it

with my own heart i won’t let it mend
use my own two hands, i rip out all the seams
oh, it seems i’m my own worst enemy, oh
i’m doing it to myself, oh

i’m doing it, i’m doing it, i’m doing it
to myself

~ liza anne.


sleepology.

eight hours
of blood
and salt,
pain and
humiliation.

eight hours
searching for
respite and comfort,
love and
approval.

eight hours
of desperation
and terror,
restless drama and
tiresome torture.


cup.

another one
for the cup:
cup of sugar,
cup of tea,
cup of soup.

another one
for the cup:
cup of dust,
cup of glass,
cup of blades.

another one
for the cup:
cup of blood,
cup of salt,
cup of hair.

another one
for the cup:
cup of nails,
cup of grass,
cup of pain.


[okay]?

what happened?
it’s okay.

where did you go?
it’s okay.

how’s your heart?
it’s okay.

is it dark?
it’s okay.

are you alone?
it’s okay.

when will it stop?
it’s okay.

why not?
it’s okay.

it’s okay.
it’s okay.
it’s okay.
it’s okay.
it’s okay.


organ donor.

slice me open,
take my lungs:
they have overcome asthma;
broken the limits of anxiety; and
suffered the deepest grief and pain.
still i breathe.
take my lungs.

slice me open,
take my liver:
it was once clean and pure,
until annihilated in a moment;
but time and time over, proof of natural restoration.
still i heal.
take my liver.

slice me open,
take my heart:
it is cool to touch;
ice-like and made of broken stone;
simultaneously rough and fragile.
still i live.
take my heart.

slice me open,
take my [life].


worth.

remember when
i woke up fuzzy,
and you
brought me
chocolate for breakfast?

remember when
i wished to hide
and you
gave me everything
i needed?

remember when
i called you in terror,
and you
held me and
kept me safe?

remember when
i was under attack,
and you
were my
closest ally and strategist?

remember when
i was lost,
and you
found me
and fought for me?

remember this,
whenever you doubt
your worth.

remember this:
i would do
it all again.


t h i n k.

clichés are so
for a reason.

better to be lonely alone,
than lonely despite company?

“i think so,” she said.


downgrade.

like a couple who grows old,
the children leave home,
and the family dwelling
is too big, too unweldy
to maintain.
nostalgia and grief:
downgrade.

like the unwilling assessment
of credit risk and consumer confidence.
black marks and a world renowned
rating scale.
disappointment and reluctance:
downgrade.

like two lovers.
entrenched in expectations
that became too big; unweldy.
a growing risk profile.
nostalgia.
disappointment.
reluctance.
grief.

downgrade.


15.06.03 (xiv).

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I’ll still feel you here ’till the moment I’m gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

Oh, you loved me ’cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you’re everything I think I need here on the ground
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down
You’re keeping me down, eh ooh
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long.

~sara bareilles.