Tag Archives: blood

past.

he is.
i am.
we were.

your touch
is cold
and forced.

my throat
is dry
and empty.

your heart
is small
and fragile.

my fingertips
are reluctant
and strained.

your brand
of love
isn’t mine.

my lungs
keep aching
for more.

your ribs
are bruised
with effort.

you are.
i am.
we were.

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safe.

now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year
pretending.

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.


heart.

​i’m doing
it all wrong
again.
every moment
is a chance
for betrayal.
every moment
is a chance
to lose.

in my mind
it is not
a chance:
it is certain.
he will leave,
and you
will fall,
every knife pointed
at my own bloody heart. 


home.

will it be warm,
but just cool enough?
to lick
your cheek
with the missing breeze?

will they cry
when they see you?
returned bruised
and tired,
and her eyes are different.

will she fade
again; a breathing ghost?
like all the times
before; a sobbing,
decimated tree log.

will the bites fade
before they see?
where pain meant
a relief and a fuel
to find home.


obscure.

i ponder
what it is like,
to think
you’ve found
The One?

i never believed
in soulmates;
an obscure
concept of time
and human naivety.

instead i have
found:
people find people;
that light them up
or destroy them.

the obscurity
is The One.
how time bends
to meet, and fall
simultaneously.


dirty.

​and then
the dirty blood
began;
thick, gel-like
and brown.

it pooled in clots
and stained
his legs,
and ruined
the cloth.

draw it out;
do your time.
eventually,
peace will find you,
before a new facade.


guileless.

help me push it;
are you even trying?
i can help you
if you are trying.

walk through
the broken glass city
and reach past
your pivotal coccoon.

the breeze is cool,
but there is no breeze.

see through the shutters
and mixed feelings of hope
and desire and tropical
cocktails and transcendence.

i am sheltered
by the nocturnal wind
but attacked by a gale-like
mind of terror and guileless anxiety.

the breeze is cool,
but there is no breeze.


paramedic.

the ambulance
still scares me;
scars me.
i see the footpath
with your blank face
and the blood.

i see them
shuttling past,
jostling through.
like that night,
no sirens
means more tears.

i put your photo
in the black frame;
your hat is too small,
but you smile
and i pretend
you’re not so far away.


balance.

how do you
balance
when the only
part you are
proud of,
the only worth
you know
will destroy you
in the end?

how do you
balance
when one strength
is the achilles
of the entire
operation?
i know only
how to perish,
not the balance.


deaf.

all the names
shifting and replacing;
sometimes
i am surprised
by the reappearance.

unsure of symbolism
and unsure
of myself.
i am surprised
by your certainty.

sweep them away
i can embrace
the silence again;
you know
i am deafened now.