Tag Archives: body

insomnia + depression.

hardly surprising;
the cliche couple
are such a complementary
the weary inabilty
to sleep, and
the debilitating inability
to care.



i am alone,
i am apart,
i am numb
and cold
and bored.


make me smaller
than any particle
of human light.

grind me up
into dirty grits
of cartilage and mucus.

crush me underfoot
with your feather
and sweep away my soul.

pour me through
the metal grate
along with your waste.

smoother me with
layer upon layer
of tight, black nets.

drown me deep
and let the seaweed
poison my lungs.

kill me now.
take my breath quickly
and let me surrender.


back in the hot room,
she remembers:
it’s been 11 years
since he walked out;
10 years
since she ran;
7 years
since he begged her back;
6 years
since she was home again.

back in the hot room,
it all came back:
as the warmth
embraced her body,
so too did the sweet
memories of a love
once unknown
and similarly suffocating.

just like the hot room:
you let it break you,
because you think it’s worth it.


now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.


​and then
the dirty blood
thick, gel-like
and brown.

it pooled in clots
and stained
his legs,
and ruined
the cloth.

draw it out;
do your time.
peace will find you,
before a new facade.


you say
it like a joke;
but where
is your self

watching the
queue form;
some will
fight for a

others will
leave disgruntled;
some will
fight for what
they value.

but i won’t
wait in line
any longer.
i was patience
and quiet.

so fight for
your spot.
or leave
disappointed and


it still breaks
my heart;
it still defeats
my soul;
it still feeds
my pain;
i see the grass
and your shoes.
but you are
always facing
the wrong way.
my lessons
a while;
but i have
and i have
the dark.
and i have

black vanity.

you know
those women,
born with such
stick-like legs,
you wonder
how they
is it painful
when their
knees knock
is it
to carry
yourself that way?
does it chaff?

you know
those men,
who can’t stand
with their
arms by
their sides,
their biceps
and shoulders
deem it
physically impossible?
is it
to carry
yourself that way?
does it chaff?