Tag Archives: broken.

stride.

eat my
hand;
draw breath
and see
the raw mist.

call the
question
unearthed
and captured
in real time.

my brain
permanently
intoxicated,
high anxiety
and the dull grey.

watch her walk
see the stride,
a purpose
unknown
but free.

loose flesh
and fish oil
stains;
waiting in
silent terror.

longing sobs;
inevitable loss.
leave quietly
or rather,
don’t let me fall.


safe.

now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year
pretending.

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.


lately.

it’s just that
lately when you’re
around me,
you’re either
overwhelmingly tired
or bored;
completely restless
or just snoring.

even when you’re here
your heart is somewhere
else.
your eyes are trance-like
and addicted to the robot
inside the screen.

somehow, while i
practice patience,
the inevitable
is all my faults
laid out;
there’s something wrong with me,
there’s everything wrong with me,
obviously.

you don’t need
to say it;
please save me
from the lies.
just leave quietly
and don’t look me in the eye.


heart.

​i’m doing
it all wrong
again.
every moment
is a chance
for betrayal.
every moment
is a chance
to lose.

in my mind
it is not
a chance:
it is certain.
he will leave,
and you
will fall,
every knife pointed
at my own bloody heart. 


luxury.

some days
it would be
a luxury,
to stop time;
halt the moments;
and find
a sort of respite;
a pause,
in the spinning
globe.

this place
is done.
the wars
won’t end.
and the hatred
only grows.
the people
can not be trusted.
and the animals
have fled.


limbo.

it’s cold today,
but the birds
sailed by.

my backbone chilled
and my eye sockets
are weakened.

his lips felt wanting;
her lips were small
and bruised.

the wind mocks me
and again i am
a soulless ghost.

but if merely a ghost,
why do i feel
so cold?

let me go numb,
until this passes
and something else remains.


paramedic.

the ambulance
still scares me;
scars me.
i see the footpath
with your blank face
and the blood.

i see them
shuttling past,
jostling through.
like that night,
no sirens
means more tears.

i put your photo
in the black frame;
your hat is too small,
but you smile
and i pretend
you’re not so far away.


peter pan.

they will never
be the men,
that their
fathers weren’t.

they will always
tussle and try
to hold dearly
to the “bro-hood.”

they will try
to stay afloat,
but the truth is
you cannot trust them.


dam wall.

i walked into
the roadhouse
where we stopped
that one time.

i needed
the bathroom,
and you bought
drinks and candy.

you waited while i texted him,
and you looked at me
like you knew
i would hurt you.

did you
ever tell her
the real story
for your panic and rage?

did you
ever wonder
why you changed,
and why you terrified me.


force ii.

sometimes,
she forces herself
to laugh,
even when nothing
is funny;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

sometimes,
she forces herself
to eat,
even when everything
is tasteless;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

sometimes,
she forces herself
to let him,
even when nothing
feels right;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

sometimes,
she forces herself
to endure,
even when everything
goes numb;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.