Tag Archives: chaos

netflix.

i watched it
again,
so i could
remember
the pain.

i lived in
that world
for so long.
i thought i’d
forgotten.

scrape the surface
and you will
find it.

not a longing
to remember,
but a longing
not to forget.

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safe.

now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year
pretending.

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.


sometimes.

sometimes, sure.
sometimes,
you fuck up
and they’ll
be pissed;
and they’ll
leave you
in silence
to wonder
and beg
and cajole
them into
second chances.

sometimes, sure.
often times,
happenstance;
it isn’t you;
nothing has
changed.
except life
happened,
and they didn’t
have time
to tell you.
just give it time and
a second chance.