Tag Archives: cliché

e q u a t i o n.

+ lust
– satisfaction
+ stability
– romance
+ fidelity
– surprise
= lasting love?


now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.


walk with me
to the edge
and grasp
my wrist;

as we free fall
into the bliss –
we have waited
all the days.

i told them
i don’t care,
and you stood stoic
and warm;

walk with me –
i want your hands,
and eyes, and brain –
hold me in our silence.

do you trust me?
when a single tear
from a week alone
holds all the weight.

i slept last night
and you weren’t there,
but your hand was in mine.
and we slept.


that was a hard
thing to do.
like always,
this paradox
of wanting
so badly
that in the end,
i don’t want
it at all.
the loss when
it is over
is not as deep
as i used to feel.

the surprise
is your trademark –
it happens now,
or not at all –
and i always
if part of you
hopes to miss
the chance
for complexity.
like the forlorn
longing is worth more
than confused frustration.

force ii.

she forces herself
to laugh,
even when nothing
is funny;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

she forces herself
to eat,
even when everything
is tasteless;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

she forces herself
to let him,
even when nothing
feels right;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.

she forces herself
to endure,
even when everything
goes numb;
because it makes
it seem
like it could be.


all the names
shifting and replacing;
i am surprised
by the reappearance.

unsure of symbolism
and unsure
of myself.
i am surprised
by your certainty.

sweep them away
i can embrace
the silence again;
you know
i am deafened now.


their faces
are perfect
and shiny
and innocent.

like children
but with money
and their dreams
in their hands.

watching each story
and all the dresses
and makeup
and heels.

staring into
the black at 1am,
is made all
the more painful.


you filled
my dreams
with a life
you occupied,

i always woke
to an empty
darkness and
a black cat staring,

but the dull,
comforting grey
surrounds me
until mid afternoon it fades,


she never
the shifting
and boundaries:
“you give too much;”
“you’re cold;”
“you love too hard;”
“you’re too harsh.”

in the end,
it all adds up
to the same
an innate
unable to please
a single soul
for more than a moment.

lonely pawn.

there was always
the harsh
when you couldn’t
decipher –
were you worthy
or were they
just lonely?

and as soon
as the clouds
part – or cover –
your value
is extinguished;
while he scampers
you can see
you were just a pawn.