Tag Archives: desperate

cremation.

make me smaller
than any particle
of human light.

grind me up
into dirty grits
of cartilage and mucus.

crush me underfoot
with your feather
and sweep away my soul.

pour me through
the metal grate
along with your waste.

smoother me with
layer upon layer
of tight, black nets.

drown me deep
and let the seaweed
poison my lungs.

kill me now.
take my breath quickly
and let me surrender.

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netflix.

i watched it
again,
so i could
remember
the pain.

i lived in
that world
for so long.
i thought i’d
forgotten.

scrape the surface
and you will
find it.

not a longing
to remember,
but a longing
not to forget.


2018: 08

does it make me
an arsehole;
for those living terminally?
only i would rather death,
if it was an option.


downgrade.

like a couple who grows old,
the children leave home,
and the family dwelling
is too big, too unweldy
to maintain.
nostalgia and grief:
downgrade.

like the unwilling assessment
of credit risk and consumer confidence.
black marks and a world renowned
rating scale.
disappointment and reluctance:
downgrade.

like two lovers.
entrenched in expectations
that became too big; unweldy.
a growing risk profile.
nostalgia.
disappointment.
reluctance.
grief.

downgrade.


home.

will it be warm,
but just cool enough?
to lick
your cheek
with the missing breeze?

will they cry
when they see you?
returned bruised
and tired,
and her eyes are different.

will she fade
again; a breathing ghost?
like all the times
before; a sobbing,
decimated tree log.

will the bites fade
before they see?
where pain meant
a relief and a fuel
to find home.


mute.

i can’t say
it all out loud.
if you heard
you might never
forget.

i can’t say
it all out loud.
if you heard,
you would see
it never ends.

i can’t say
it all out loud.
if you heard,
you would never
understand.

i can’t say
it all out loud.
if you heard,
you would wish
i never did.


bandaid.

it’s like, this pressure
and the inevitable
disappointment –
both his and mine –
somehow worthless;
yet when i look,
she is no more
intriguing or attractive.

can’t eat, want to sleep;
can’t dance, want to die.
the mirror mocks me
and the pressure builds;
more powerful by the day.
“i like to fix things.”
please stop trying
to fix me.


too.

i missed you
for a moment
too long.
and my eyes
stung
with grief.

i kissed you
for a moment
too long.
and my lips
stung
with your words.

i loved you
every moment.
perhaps it was too long.
because now my heart
is torn
and broken.


feast.

cold and hard
triumphs
of cunning
proportion.

timely and tired,
purple perfection;
meet me
near the bridge.

fallen feasts
trust me
with their
treasures.


empathy.

i read it
again,
and i felt
her pain.
i could feel
the grief
and longing
for finality.

rising up
through
my lungs
and pressing
hard to crack
my ribs.
a deep wound
still weeping.

it doesn’t die.
“i wouldn’t
leave a note,
but i would
leave this…”
i would still
walk
and fall.