Tag Archives: disappear.

cut time.

time
relentlessly
cuts me:
stop.
back.
end.

play it
again
or make it
stop.

do it
over
or turn
it back.

keep me up;
up
or make it
end.

i want
for one thing
only:
stop time
for us,
take us back,
or make it
end.

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reality.

but when
the one you miss
the most,
is the last
person
you should miss
at all;

it is difficult
not to believe,
that every moment
was intentional
deception;
and a humiliating
farce.

the reality is,
they stopped
needing you,
before you stopped
needing them.


armless.

you always
smell
like fresh
laundry.

and now
you follow
me everywhere:
caress me
as i sleep;
cradle me
from the chill.

you still
smell
like fresh
laundry.

only your arms
are out of reach.


cremation.

make me smaller
than any particle
of human light.

grind me up
into dirty grits
of cartilage and mucus.

crush me underfoot
with your feather
and sweep away my soul.

pour me through
the metal grate
along with your waste.

smoother me with
layer upon layer
of tight, black nets.

drown me deep
and let the seaweed
poison my lungs.

kill me now.
take my breath quickly
and let me surrender.


mirror.

in the rearview;
i let go
of the belief.

i thought there
might be someone,
i hadn’t met yet.

i still thought;
that feeling
awaited me.

someone – available –
who somehow found
my flaws stunning.

this is the year
of feeling
my use-by date.


netflix.

i watched it
again,
so i could
remember
the pain.

i lived in
that world
for so long.
i thought i’d
forgotten.

scrape the surface
and you will
find it.

not a longing
to remember,
but a longing
not to forget.


2018: 08

does it make me
an arsehole;
for those living terminally?
only i would rather death,
if it was an option.


2018: 01

the scent of familiarity;
the willpower to remain alone;
watch and learn;
read and weep;
cut and drive;
dig and bleed.

keep going.


leave.

do you know
what it’s like
to be left;
waiting
in the blue.

i hear the words,
i read your stories;
but every time
the same result:
you leave and i wait.

it’s not your fault.

i have felt
the warmth of your love:
immense and like no other.
no one has ever known me
and loved me like you.

i can’t see the page
that ends with you and i.
but i promise to leave
my love at the end
of every road for you.

i wish i could
give you everything
you’ve ever given me.
[i know it’s not enough]
not until time travel allows.

while i wait
for this one to end.
maybe we’ll find our time
in the next life.


heat.

back in the hot room,
she remembers:
it’s been 11 years
since he walked out;
10 years
since she ran;
7 years
since he begged her back;
6 years
since she was home again.

back in the hot room,
it all came back:
as the warmth
embraced her body,
so too did the sweet
memories of a love
once unknown
and similarly suffocating.

just like the hot room:
you let it break you,
because you think it’s worth it.