Tag Archives: drink

safe.

now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching –
it’s where you
held me
while i struggled.
as you spat
at me,
and i begged you
to go.
as you raged
at my riddled body,
and i begged you
to go.

i know
it’s always my fault;
i know
there’s no point arguing.
i am reduced
to the pathetic doll
once again.
another christmas
and another year
pretending.

i thought
you knew.
and i thought
i could be loved
by you.
turns out,
it’s all
just the same.
but now i understand
why my wrists
have been aching.

you might
as well
compare notes.

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lifetime.

no longer convinced,
she was his soulmate;
the years were not wasted,
but time was limited
and every second
filled with love.

maybe he’ll get
more than one.
because endless years
of barely speaking
amounted to a lifetime
of, ‘i love you.’


more or less.

i need.
more
of [you]
and more
of [this].
and more
of the look
in your left eye
as i collapse
into your grasp.

i need
less
of the [defeated]
and less
of holding [back]
and less
of trying not
to say all the words
i’ve kept inside for years.

more or less,
that’s what
we’re waiting for.


deaf.

all the names
shifting and replacing;
sometimes
i am surprised
by the reappearance.

unsure of symbolism
and unsure
of myself.
i am surprised
by your certainty.

sweep them away
i can embrace
the silence again;
you know
i am deafened now.


nonchalantly.

you filled
my dreams
with a life
you occupied,
nonchalantly.

i always woke
to an empty
darkness and
a black cat staring,
nonchalantly.

but the dull,
comforting grey
surrounds me
until mid afternoon it fades,
nonchalantly.


terrorism.

is this the age
you begin to see?
i saw violence
and hate,
vengeance
and scorn.

when did this place
begin to fill me
with terror?
i lie awake
listening to the yells –
obscenity and crass articulation –
with my kitten
curled into my side.
even he has learnt
of horrors greater
than a tired scratching post.


close.

sometimes
i can still
smell you
on me,
even after
all this time
and all
that skin.

musty and
warm
and completely
kissable.
i want to find
your chest
again and
stay forever.

i breathe
in deep,
in case
i ever
lose it.
for a moment,
i am
lost again.


contact.

constant, or
barely at all.
why is this
a topic of
contention?

there are no
assessments
against
performance
targets.

all he wants
is to feel
loved.
all he wants
is your heart.


red.

there it
was.
red and
fiery.
a treasure
of glitter
and crystals.

where did
it land you?
calling into
shadows
and crawling
through
the gap.

i’ll find
imagination
again;
fall back
position
and lights
in the dark.

who needs
sunshine
or rain,
snow or
thunder storms?
the fire
is burning.


lost.

nothing changed;
maybe the
breeze felt different;
or your eyes
were cloudy;
or your feet
got too hot;
or my hands
were too cold.

nothing changed;
but your voice
was colder;
and my dreams
more vivid;
your connection
grew fainter;
and she lost
another.